Friday, September 28, 2012

Time to get my sexy back

After 3 weeks without having a computer I finally feel apart of the "real" world again! Let me back up and begin as to why I have been without a computer . . . well, my delightful 8 month old decided that she wanted to pull on the cord to my laptop therefore sending it crashing to the ground from our ottoman. So here I am, trying to catch up with all of my blogging!

In the past 3 weeks many changes have taken place. One of the main changes in my life is a huge one & something I am proud of and will continue to share with you all. Over the past year, between my pregnancy and my Mother passing away, I began to let myself go & gained over 75 pounds. I went from running 3-4 times a week, being fit and healthy... to absolutely no exercise and using food as my comfort and coping tool to deal with not feeling the pain of losing my Mom. By doing so I ended up at nearly 250 pounds (220 lbs. after pregnancy). I never imagined in my life that I would end up where I am at now. I often find myself asking "how could I have let this happen?" I hate myself for what I have done to my body, I fear looking in the mirror at myself & avoid shopping for any new clothes, as I am afraid to look at the true size that I am now compared to before my pregnancy.

As I put the weight on, I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that with each bite of food that went in, it would be even harder to take off. But at the moment I didn't care. I used being pregnant as an "excuse", I used being in a depression and watching as my Mother's life slipped away as an "excuse". Food became my comfort. After losing my Mom, I spent the remainder of my pregnancy focusing on what was to come, the holidays & our baby girl's arrival. Also weighing heavily on my mind was the fact that now I was the oldest child, the only girl, I now had to hold my family together, just as my Mom always did. I now needed to take care of my Father and be there to help him through his grieving. I had to put my grief aside. Once again, I turned to food for my comfort.

I never allowed myself to feel the pain and reality of losing my Mother. My responsibility was my Father, my Husband and being a new Mom myself. I threw myself into starting my own business again, starting a design blog, anything that would keep me busy and not let me think about the pain.

Now, I have decided, it is time for ME. It is time to get back to the ME I used to know.

I started my new weight loss goal on September 1st after being confronted by a close friend of my Mother's at my Niece's 1st Birthday party. Let me tell you, if you have never had to battle with your weight, getting dressed and being in public (ANYWHERE) can cause an anxiety attack. I dread having to pick out clothes or be in a crowd of people. All that ran through my head was "Who is looking at me?" "Are they looking at my back fat?", "Are they looking at how tight these jeans are on me?", "Are they looking at my arms, double chin, rolls of fat..." The thoughts in my mind were never ending, all while constantly adjusting my shirt, how I was standing, making me want to run into a corner and hide away. The turning point for me, was when my Mother's friend actually came up to me and said she was concerned about my weight & how much I had gained in the past year. As a "fat" person, you always have thoughts in your head of what others are thinking of you, but hearing it out loud, someone actually saying and validating all of your insecurities changes EVERYTHING. My immediate reaction was to run inside and cry (which I did, pathetically) My second reaction, was to change it. I decided this was IT, this was the END & something needed to CHANGE.

3 days ago, I took a pledge. I made a promise to myself that it was now time to focus on ME. After months of putting everyone else first it was time to put ME FIRST!

Over the next year, I plan to take you all on the journey with me. Through the hard days, the emotions & the triumphs of my weight loss. I don't expect it to be easy with an 8 month old toting along side me the whole way, but I plan to make it happen, I plan to accomplish my GOALS!

Start Date: September 1st, 2012            Start Weight: 220 lbs. (size 16)
End Date: September 1st, 2013       Goal Weight: 135-145 lbs.

So here I am, on Week #4 of my "Get Sexy Back" Challenge
I have only lost 7 pounds, but here is what my daily routine/ meal plan looks like:

Daily allowance of calories: 1,200
Hours of exercise: 1-2 hours
6am- wake up & stretching
6:30am- Breakfast (3 eggs & wheat toast or 90 cal special k cereal bar)
7am- morning walk/ run (2-3 miles) & free weights
Noon- Lunch (progresso soup, turkey sandwich on wheat with fruit)
3pm- Snack (fruit, carrots or Quaker rice snacks)
5pm- Dinner (chicken breast, vegetables or fruit)
9pm- Zumba (50 min) & stretching

& let me tell you, ZUMBA is AMAZING!!

Follow me on my journey, feel free to share your weight loss success story,
or join in the challenge with me!

6 comments so far

  1. 7 pounds is ALOT!! Good Job, I am PROUD of you!! I started a diet in April and done pretty good but I "took a break" (dummy me) in July during a little vacation I took and I'm having a terrible time getting back in the groove of it, I understand exactly how you feel, I swear as I was reading this post, I could have written most of it myself!! I wish you the best, and I will be following you and cheering you on!! friends, lisa

  2. Jennifer! I am so glad to see you back on your blog!!I've been checking periodically to see where you were. I love EVERYTHING you post!
    I am so proud of you on being determined to lose weight. I've never really had to worry about much weight gain but the older I get and over the summer, I've put on about 15 pounds that I would love to get rid of myself. I wish you so much luck with your quest and I will definitely be watching and cheering you on!!

  3. Just found your blog and want to congratulate you on your success. I know what you mean about putting everyone else first. I think women have a tendency to doing just that. I just decided a few weeks ago to focus on my health and it's a real challenge! I'm an emotional eater....and it's NOT EASY. I'm with you cheering you along!

  4. Good luck on your journey! However, don't cut your calories too low. Otherwise your body will go into "starvation mode" and it slows your metabolism. Eat lots of protein too! I weigh around 140-145 and I am supposed to eat between 1300-1500 calories being semi-active. Just a tip! :) You're a beautiful woman and you have lots to be thankful for! I'm looking forward to the days of being a mom and a wife! Good luck!

  5. i know it's not the same but last year i lost about 40 pounds...we've moved, i now work from home and homeschool sooo needless to say the pounds are creeping back on - i'm at the "my clothes still fit (sort of) and if i can zip it i must be ok" but then i look at pictures and it's that i don't look as's about how you feel - says the girl who had 2 frappucinos and a slice of cake today...WTF??? i count calories not health - hahaha

    i'm hoping i will join you in the journey - something needs to give...i don't even want to buy new clothes!! i drink LOTS of water - someone told me diet drinks have too much sodium! too many rules! you're gonna rock it!

  6. I also just found your blog and would love to follow along with you and maybe even participate and get my own sexy back. I have struggled with my weight all my life and I feel like every sentence you wrote in your post could have been about me! I turn 40 next year and I feel like now is the time for me to get back to liking myself and not sitting in the background letting everyone around me live life while i wait until I've lost X amount.

    Good luck -- I'll be following your progress!


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